Not Your Typical Groundhog Day

It’s strange when you have dreams, you can clearly recognize things while you are asleep but the moment you wake their memory fades and becomes as elusive as your distant past. Last night I dreamt of seeing Kim dressed in a blue silk dress with a red flower pattern, her hair was down and teased a bit on the sides, she had a large, yellow sheer fabric, somewhere between a scarf and a Sari, and was wrapping it around her body and over her head. She was working on a small low budget film with a group of her friends and I was waiting, for Kim I suppose. I decided to walk through the building alone, out the back door, onto the street and wound up at on of my favorite places, a diner. It had an interesting multi-floor layout with a bar and a rustic feel like a lot of places in Boston. I remember meeting a waitress, we connected and I had to leave.

When I returned to the set it seemed Kim was upset because her friends from the production had abandoned her but they were still there. It was an emotional abandonment I guess. I held out a $20 bill and offered her a hug. She accepted my hug, not the money. It felt good to give her that hug and support. She was reassured and I held out another $10 bill but she walked away. I stood there with $30 in my hand puzzled, that’s when I saw her in that dress.

Next I remember the producers expecting me to light the next scene. It was a room with a large door opening on either side, it was white and had two large sheets of sheer, white material hung from the ceiling along the walls with no door. I guess I was supposed to set up for the next shot; here I am asleep and I’m gaffing a shoot. I didn’t want to but I accepted my duty, really because they were supposedly Kim’s friends. – I might lose some work in the future over what I’m about to say but I’m not much of an electrician. I don’t know the difference between a volt and a watt. – I think I just told some guys what to do and walked away. I tried to return to the diner, because I felt I owed the waitress a tip, when I woke up. What stayed in my mind the most was seeing Kim in that dress wrapping her head. It was a very beautiful site.

I haven’t been feeling well. I think my immune system is down. Maybe I need to slow down with the cigarettes but with so much time on my hands with not a whole lot to do I’ve been smoking a lot; still at a pack a day. I’ve made an effort to hit the gym regularly and started playing soccer with my Iraqi co-workers. The first game of soccer I ever played was just last week and I scored my first two goals three days ago. I am still faster than most and Mohamed said he was impressed that I played so well for my first time, he said especially for an American. But I hurt my knee that day and aggravated it more yesterday. My left knee was swollen and became a little painful to walk on last night. I want to keep going, I don’t have much to entertain me here, so I’ll rest a couple days before getting back into the gym and onto the soccer court.

Boredom has set in. Everyday seems the same: Groundhog Days. Today I layered up. Subconsciously I must have felt the weather coming in, the wind was kicking up. I watched a perfect sun rising over Strawberry Hill, defused by the dust in the air. I didn’t have to squint to look. I thought about Fourth of July on the Esplanade in Boston, after seeing 28 Days Later with Cybelle in the theater, we waited for the fireworks and I stared at the sun setting with my eyes wide open. By midday I was swamped with work. There’ve been some whispers about the monotony getting to a couple of my coworkers. Charles asked me today, “is everything alright?” Of course I’m alright. – You’ll know when I’m not. – Stressing about my health, and my daughter I haven’t spoken to since July, trying to compress, transfer, upload, copy, burn and organize media files, I went to Subway to pick up a sandwich before making a mandatory meeting.

An hour later we had a rocket attack. Not a mortar attack. First we heard an explosion, like many before, a little distant, but the next one was close. My desk faces the wall at one end of our office trailer so I turned around and saw all five guys standing. Time to get out of here and find a bunker. This attack was serious. I huddled with Mohamed and Mohammed and Firas and Paul next to a barrier wall around the trailers, and listened as the explosions went off with the sound of incoming overhead. It's got this whirling, crackeling sound that when you hear it you know only a deadly explosion is coming, but you don't know where. There’s this recorded announcement that repeats over the speakers, “INCOMING, INCOMING, INCOMING.” I look up, the sky is grey, but then I think what's there to see. Instead I looked at the ground hoping everytime I heard an explosion that would be the last, and if not hopefully the next would miss. It was certainly one of those moments when I ask myself what am I doing here? I bummed a cigarette off Mohammed and we waited things out.

Eventually it all stopped. Afterward a lot of us from the different trailers gathered outside like the end of a fire drill. I could here sirens in the distance and Shane pointed out, “somebody was killed.” We don’t really know that but we’re safe now, relatively speaking. I saw my boss John and said, “good to see ya again,” shook Mohammed’s father’s hand and he gave me a hug, like a brother. He has an acute awareness. That was all just two and a half hours ago. Now it’s back to work. I've gotten five emails since, nothing has really changed. Sometimes the truth is always there, it just takes its time before it spits itself out at ya.