Nominal Degrees and Rising

Most nights are uneventful. There have been very few mortar attacks on the base except for last night. Since one of my supervisors is on vacation I’ve been asked to fill in and provide tech support for a couple hours a night at a trailer compound that we provide internet service to. The incoming alarm went off while struggled to figure out how to get some guy’s PC laptop to recognize the signal, so we casually made our way to the bunker outside trailer. I can’t help feeling like a teenager at his first school dance huddled with strangers in a bunker. One guy was still on his cell phone, most likely a call to the states. When you’re over forty and a civilian, what would possess you to choose to be here? Like my boss Charles says, “There are three kinds of people here. Soldiers who pretty much don’t have a choice, people trying to make enough money to pay their debt, and guys that want to live one more hurrah.” There seemed to be no attack. Routinely we hear, “This is the command post. All clear. All clear.” But even that was missing. I didn’t want to wait for the official “all clear” so I walked back into the trailer.

Later, after watching a movie in my hooch, Brooklyn Rules with Alec Baldwin – set in Bayridge, Brooklyn – I shut the lights off and attempted to make myself comfortable enough to fall asleep. I hurt my back after playing basketball about three weeks ago. They have an indoor fieldhouse here and it was a good five game run. We lost the fifth game. The next morning I could barely stand up straight and even now I still have a little nagging pain, which makes it hard to sleep. I could hear an explosion while trying to fall asleep, like I said, rare these days, and I told myself it must have been a controlled detonation. Of course it was a controlled detonation because there was an attack hence the incoming alarm, there wasn’t any explosions because it hit but didn’t detonate, so the EOD guys were just doing their jobs.

Last week I spoke to my mother on the phone and she put my younger cousin on to talk with me. He praised me, the job I’m doing here and how he was proud of me. I understood what he was saying and how he felt. I feel the same way about the soldiers, airmen, sailors and marines I see here in the same way I respect what my cousin had to offer me. Regardless of their reasons I respect their decisions whether history should judge such decisions or actions good or bad.

“… men refuse to admit that all those things which men defended in former ages with the sacrifice of life and happiness were nothing but errors; it is even said, perhaps, that they were degrees of the truth. But what is really meant is that when a man has honestly believed in something, and has fought and died for his faith, it would really be too unjust if he had only been inspired by an error.” Nietzsche, Human, All-Too-Human

In 1993, I visited my daughter in Santa Cruz and we drove to San Francisco, and marched in a protest against this war. That day I took a very small role to play. Five years later I still don’t believe we, the United States of America, with our collective responsibility should have attacked Iraq. And I don’t see my job here as having anything to do with protecting Americans, their lives, national security, access to natural resources or way of life. Not on the moral tip. My hope, when I hope, is that my work helps Iraqis wake up one day and live at least as well as they did when Saddam was last in power – people had jobs, and electricity and didn’t fear suicide bombings, ethnic violence and extremists – even if the probability of such a truth is low.

My friend from Sadr City told me he was in a car accident last night. He said someone was following him and ran him off the road, flipping his car. He wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. Luckily he only had a sore neck and a totaled car to be upset about. I couldn’t help thinking the accident wasn’t an accident when he said the guy was following him.

Sandstorms Bad Kites Good

Over the past few months I haven’t posted to this blog for one reason or another. You could say it was my belated show of solidarity with the WGA strike. Maybe they’ll give me an honorary membership. Below are a few notes from my recent experiences living here on Camp Victory and Camp Victory, Baghdad, Iraq.

I enjoyed watching the movie The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford, a story about murderous crime, loyalty, betrayal and egoism.

I know of an Iraqi man who lives in Sadr City. I’ve been told that his ability to work has become very dangerous now that the Madi militia has begun fighting again with Iraqi security forces. Earlier tonight, while driving from the DFAC, I could hear a gun fight not far from my trailer. I suppose it was far enough because people continued to play a game of volleyball nearby. – Have you ever wondered how terrorized all the extras were at high noon when suddenly they had to scurry away, and the Good Guy shoots it out with the Outlaw? –In a newly democratic Iraq who represents this man, my friend, the middleman, the man without a gun.

I found it funny as I got to know my coworkers that many people assumed I was married. If the fact I don’t wear a single piece of jewelry didn’t clue them I don’t know what gave them that impression. That was a stupid sentence. I’ve noticed that many of the soldiers and contractors are married; people with strong, clear convictions, career minded, highly educated or not, patriotic, loyal, and religious.

I’ve had sick sinuses and been depressed here. It’s oppressive in a nutshell, and I hate sandstorms. I believe it is humid in Paradise.

I buy bootlegs from the small stores run by Iraqis here on base for about two dollars a piece. I’ve also begun working out with my neighbor an Army guy and I enjoy him kicking my ass in the gym.

The fighting has continued.

Last night I woke in the middle of the night dreaming about being bombed. Mortars were landing all around me. I was running seeking cover when one landed close behind me lifting me off my feet head-first. I thought my legs were blown off and I woke, quickly looking down the length of my bed to see if I was still in one piece.

At times I battle with contempt as the beautiful pictures of my life fade in and out of my screensaver. Friends and family, ex-girlfriends and all the old places don’t live with me anymore.

The movies, one or two a night have gotten to be too much, kinda like pancakes, all exciting at first but too much in the end. Iraqis, or Arabic speakers who don’t know me speak to me in Arabic. It’s the same as when Puerto Ricans and Dominicans talk to me in Spanish. Even Mexicans sometimes make the assumption. Some things don’t change.

If necessity is the mother of invention it’s a shell game finding purpose everyday.

Mahmud Ahmadinejad Visits Iraq But Where Are The Saudis?

This past Sunday Mahmud Ahmadinejad, Iran’s president visited Iraq. He arrived early in the morning at Baghdad International Airport not far from Camp Victory. The day before his arrival a friend of Mohamed offered a bet that Sunnis would attack because of Amehdinejad’s visit. That made me a bit nervous but if Mohamed had taken the bet he would have won. Thankfully things were quiet that day.

I found it interesting that what isn’t mentioned much in the news and seems to be slowly coming out here is not only are the Iranians supporting violence here in Iraq but so are the Saudis. I don’t claim to be a politician. I’m no expert on the Middle East but I listen to people. President Bush is telling Ahmadinejad to stop supporting fighters in Iraq but it may or may not be the Iranian government’s fault of responsibility. The same is true of the Saudis. Again, there is no official mention of any Saudi influence but who is supporting Iraqi Sunnis in their attacks? Syria? If you doubt Saudi Arabia’s involvement ask yourself how the Saudis would benefit from an instable Iraq? The omission of Saudi Arabia’s role in the security of Iraq isn’t surprising when you think about the type of relationship the US, and the Bush family has with “The Kingdom.” From what I gather, if the Saudis are equally involved with the sectarian violence here they need to get called out on it.

The people supporting the violence in Iraq may not be directly connected to the Saudi and Iranian governments, but can be influenced by these governments. Therein lies the misrepresentation in President Bush’s rhetoric following Ahmadinejad’s visit. Ahmadinejad is not himself giving orders to create instability in Iraq, he has influence, and Bush should address Ahmadinejad to the American people as he addresses Mahmoud Abbas regarding Hamas. It appears President Bush would like Americans to perceive Ahmedinejad as most powerful and the Palestinian Authority powerless, both beneficial prescriptions towards the seeming Bush White House agenda. But I’m not discrediting any criticism of Ahmadinejad either because in my opinion you have to be a complete fucking idiot to even attempt to question the validity of the Holocaust with a straight face.

Iraq is truly at the center of the Middle East, a predominately Shi’a country surrounded by six other countries: 5 Sunni and one Shi’a, Iran. Iraq has 2,268 miles of boarder to guard. The US-Mexican boarder is only 1,952 miles long. The success of the US invasion created a power vacuum and everyone inside and outside Iraq who can is trying to step in. I can’t imagine the US uninterested in maintaining a powerful influence here not because it’s power for the sake of power. There’s a lot of money “under the table” here hence the reasons why the US military is paying big bonuses for Arab and Chinese speaking linguists. Where you get it and who's your competition.

One of my coworkers is Sunni and worked in the Green Zone for three years as a Shi’a. You can’t tell the difference any better than you can tell the difference between a Catholic and a Protestant. Mohamed claims that in the thirty years before 2003 there was never any Shi’a versus Sunni sectarianism. Who knows why or how it started but some will describe what the US is doing in Iraq now is policing a civil war. Not that civil war could happen, it is happening. I’m not sure if I would agree with the civil war part. People have asked me several times what I think will happen in Iraq. How will this situation be resolved? What do you think is the solution? Those people usually have their own clear ideas and perhaps find joy arguing my thoughts and suggestions into the ranks of impossibilities. Maybe I’m speaking from an American position of political patience but Iraq is getting desperate. I'm not sure if the strain on US military families, despite all their sacrifices amounts to what Iraqi citizens are enduring. Whatever will be the solution Iraq won’t survive if Iraqis, Americans, and the international community, continue to segregate Iraqis between Sunni and Shia.

Sometimes war games are conducted as real wars or real foreign policy. The collapse of Yugoslavia is what many people fear will happen here and the American support of Kosovo's recent secession may be be a clue of things to come. Whatever happens the fact remains that Iraq has changed and will never be what it once was. The damage here is too deep.